TIPS OF HOW TO SURVIVE IN NAIROBI CITY
1. Don’t go to downtown if you don’t have to. I know you may be employed somewhere and when work is less or during lunch you’d like to know road and know town but definately downtown isn’t the best idea because you may come back less your properties or disappointed because people down there a good number sees you as a potential client.
2. If you move into a new house, use two padlocks no matter how of good quality they are. Yes your neghbours mighy really look friendly but have you heard of the smile of a devil or should we say kiss of Judas? Otherwise you may leave and come back and find ulihamishwa yet your neighbour was just asleep next door.
3. Ukitembea tao uskie mtu amesema “oya oya” dont turn just move to the side. Yes the person saying oya is actually loaded with a heavy load and don’t care running you over or even dirtyfying you. In fact the person is 1metre away so act fast. The person is even with a mkokoteni and wow to you if you are around muthurwa because they don’t care splashing matope onto your flashy clothes and abuse you in the process.
4. When boarding a mat, check the condition of your window..thats where your phone might exit from. Yes there are people who wants your phone and they don’t involve your consent and they will take it unless you prevent them. They look harmless around the vehicle window, they can even call you uncle/aunty and beg for help, yes some are for sure helpless but many are at work. They work as a team, there is one to snatch the phone, one to run with it and a team to distract you incase you want to run after it. And mostly they do this when the matatu is in motion so until you alight it’s gone.
5. No one should pray for you on the streets regardless of your situation in life. Yes the person about to pray for you or who wants to closely ask for direction maybe be exposing you to a chemical which will make you lose your conscience and rob you with easy and when you regain your sense you may not even know how you arrived there.. Yes that prayer you are receiving and a cloth/ handkerchief is being swayed utajua hujui.
6. Chapati will always be 10bob, Smokie 25bob, mayai 20bob. This self explanantory. That smokie you want to buy along the street at 40bob may cost you more than 40bob.
7. Afya Center..don’t even stop to swallow your saliva, pita ukikimbia. Walk mercilessly! And if you have hips,use them to pave way for yourself! . Elbows pia ni weapons… Unapita ukienda bila kuangalia nyuma.If someone hits you as you walk along the streets,hit them back because no one apologizes for such mistakes in this ciry!! In fact you better be going otherwise you’ll be the one in the wrong..
8. If you feel lost just go to Archives, you will pick your bearing from there. Otherwise if you ask buda (any stranger) for direction, they may offer to escort you to unknown location, pass with you through corridors and next you know you are in their trap. And avoid small corridors not used by many people even if it’s 1pm. Unless you want to taste how it feels to have a hand with wood round your neck.
9. Incase someone drops anything Infront of you ,don’t pick ,run like your life depends on it. Hata ukiitwa siste siste ,achana nayo. Yes leave it alone. The person who dropped it wants to use you as a bait. You may be seeing 1 or 2 people only but they are a full company who if you don’t run away from, can lead you to a corridor to milk you everything including your life if you resist.
10. Instead of going to kanjo washrooms, just get into Ushirika house, tell the guards you are going to office 24. It is actually a washroom labeled by mistake or If you are pressed, ingia Hilton, Stanley, Norwich union etc ..confidence is key here..Kuna free parking Serena..play like yourself though..
11. Wakati wa mvua usinyeshewe Kama mimea Hapo kwa corridors, get in Supermarkets watch news from 85″ Samsung Screen.Fanya window shopping hata kama hununui kitu
Confidence ndio muhimu. Be smart nani!!
12. Don’t bargain on everything..the trick is, the quality will keep reducing as the price goes down.
13. Avoid eye contact na hawker especially ukiwa traffic jam. Otherwise you’ve already signed a purchase contract. Those people know how to forces sales.. you’ll even close yourself
14. When tired under scorching sun in town, don’t go to Archives or Hilton. Just go to KCB KENCOM, pick a bank ticket and sit there the whole day. You will have a great rest. Otherwise you may wake up at OTC with your clothes only if lucky to remain with clothes if you choose Archives as best resting place.
15. Whatever you buy, must be packaged in front of you. Especially if you don’t want to arrive home with a different thing. You can buy an Iphone and reach to bath with it because you realise you actually were given a bar soap or mud and in worst case nini~~
WHICH NUMBER ENLIGHTENED YOU MOST OR WHICH ONE HAD YOU BEEN A VICTIM TO? SHARE WITH ME IN THE COMMENT SECTION BELOW.